Magic Memory 8 and 9.
Sometimes Might is Right?
Jan 21, 2008.
Waking to a tragic morning, free to blow the day away, alone. A morning cruise stalked by hawks lead to atypical encouters with more exoteric delights in town. The lightning was about to strike.After gathering required amenities an encouter of the man kind occured. A left black eye and broken glassy's later and a first howl of my life from this most unfortunate unecessary encounter Satanicism preached and promoted by all was an enemy now made manifest within awareness. Sex, drugs and Rock-n-roll was not the focus of enlightenment.
As the sun was struggling to rise behind the western window red and black curtains so did a very restless debaucherous man caught in the fugue of self and reason. Projection, deception, inception, Insecurity? None of these were to be of me. The morning was defined by a vexed ECI of the ego bound fiend. the 22nd saw the death of a villian in film. The torment of childhoods and the anti-hero of those struggling to be self parenting, the Joker had passed as did my sense of humor those weeks before.
the room was in a haze of silence as an apple was depicted on the TV screen. At once a trance began. every answer to the talk show was known in advance like a dragon had possessed me in time. this power unknown this conjured might unreal. Not until months later did one ever question was i even alive or was a this existence of a Ghost? The tv was playing Malcom in the Middle on FX. A car engine was being worked upon. I began to recall where i could be instead of home skipping work the only time at that job as the rest of my days there were attended regularly due to the work based meditative transcendent state attained although, the next day during a short shift i was choking to death on god's breath.
I recalled where and what or why i was alone on this path of self reliance and pain. Scapegoating and personnal responsibility. The main focus was overcoming biases of the small town which could rob me of my existence from there onward. Suddenely the Tv had stopped. The whole town seemed to grow quiet in a state of revelation, apocalypse all living in a silent armegeddon simultaneously. The television which began to turn on mysteriously the summer before after work suddenly began to gurgle something incomprehensible awesomeness like the voice of a divine force which no one man could ever comprehend in his life. Entranced i listened even as Mr. Francis came to repair the home furnace that hour that day of january 22, 2008.
Divine Revelation becoming THE BEAST!
Waking to the light one morning with music blasting from the TV either left on or turning on itself said Good morning King Highland. this lead to a reflection of what I wanted to obtain through morality in life. I was no King was what was later decided so Sir suited best and yet sir was used for Knights and such. I was no Knight but i was myself and did believe so this was the name i considered God, what i knew back then, had known me by. Highland is the Deamon's name. My highest self, my Highest,guardian, Angel.
Many conversations and revelations unfolded from here followed by much silence in my off hours for months and even years to come. madness slowly crept as learning needed to occur instead of exoteric forms of seeking and work. i was a beast for sure and decided one night in march that that beast should adhere to the disciplines it desires. i was maliciously demeaned to self destruct at a party one night and all else goes balck from there. i had the biggest bowel movement upon awakening like hell itsel. I had done it, this self can finally declare after little research and many hours poured over this particular interest. Self immolation. Self transformation happened after I had kissed the air the night before. The strange kiss into the air witnessed by all who were attending was elicited by a voice of a favorite artist whispering something through the crowded room's haze about love. the attacker did what coukld be expected of such a vain and jealous, insecure man coke nosed and drunk in those days. he attacked with his own self torture always yeilding nil results due to his guilt and shame. he said what only a demon could say unlike those who suffer the insufferable. is that you?! To sum this up in an approriately descending order "A Man" he liked the words i fought to let pass my lips only trying to love all those around me in silence. blood was shed and the night swiftly ended as it always did when such occured so many times again and again. teenage party dresses
To learn about love for all those who were torutred and all those who were high and desperate without guidance was all occuring and even what they to this day think occured between me and my guardian angel. A healthy sense of sexuality and frindship developed in these first months and conversations quickly. A radical feminist position on porn and even cross dressing and Transgendered individuals was created and remains my core. teenage biases on politics and belief and disbeleif were made manifest, a pathology of our times was granted too in a teaching acquired too early on in the mind of the Initiate of the arts. All was associated with the inverted cross and the gnosis of being a black adept by rejecting ignorance. Algol was presenced. A sense of deeper respect for all who seek to be enlightened in all ways was opened before me even as all others were closing their doors to me. Pestilence is not my snake for no reason at all. Socially in an exoteric satanic paradigm of satanicism they say I can't, I know in my mind and flaming heart I WIll and must.
The instructions on how to be a better leader were also granted making me feel terrible sorrow and despair(possession by Son of the Morning) for the wrongs i could have committed in the world and in the meanwhile of my dissassociation with the Highest Self. I have discovered I don;t believe in suicide and wish to help those who will help theirself.
i soon after sobered up entirely, THC, and sought higher learning in religion and actual education even including better work suitable for a lad of job age. Self reliance was the only thought wretching me.
18 became 19. The first age of Highland was over so onto the Perfect feminine 19
Magick Memory 9.
April 20, 2008 was Easter I hadn't smoked all month and may now recall smoking a little the night before, this can;t be for certain, although i was feeling a twisted mess after so much learning descending upon all at once. The day was slow and the day's events were of familial and later friend interactions offfering my accuser ice cream cake purchased by my own funds being saved.
April 24, 2008.
I had a couple shots that night after work planning to do the most twisted thing in my hell bound condition. The habit of purchasing substances and social imbibing was clearly a path to be worked on. although the month may up to that point may have been free from substance abuse the 24th brought psilocybin to the tabel. enough was pruchased for a trip on my day off haphazzardly.
I awoke with a plan to injest them on an empty stomach and in my overwhelming spiritual state take them alone in a quiet environment saying the rosary to guide me guiltily along. that didn;t happen as a friend who later committed suicide, wanted to join me in my spiritual affair.
the trip began with clouds swirling after last nights tornado raged north of town tearing up farm silos and throwing them into pieces everywhere. The clouds became alive teeling sttories and time began to pass eeerily. back home safe to experience the substance actually working for the forst time after a couple of failed attemtpts years earlier. maybe too much opium and not enough were the later causes of not working or too much THC already coursing through my veins.
The TV became a window into Hell. The program was a reveiw of every strange social encounter i had ever had. after all of this humiliating and in fun torment the show's host looked at me and said If i take my life the whole world ends.
This point is the test Satan provides at the lowest level of Hell. Drugs certainly weren't the way i wanted to enter Hell though surprisingly all had ended well with more research in the subject of my willed spiritual intention. After walking up the stairs and into the open world again more angelic thoughts became to speak to me asking what was i doing with my life. the whole trip ended seeing 2 people speak of pure debaucherous matters looking like a faithless nihilist was devouring the world consuming it with his self hatred and disbelief and the other suffering in the insanity of his cold though delighted to be receiving the substance of his warmth THC. Like evil fairies they seemed to be devouring life into the void of their debauchery consuming all with their self destructive intentions.
Rest occured after a burger from work. A slight headache occurred afterward with little to no real hangover, mostly from the nap and self consciius behavior which could manifest from the memory of hell's deepest pits.
Crossing the abyss on substances in no fun and especially withoiut the knowledge of where you are going.
Andy Tyson Colby
Amprodias Fayen Highland.