I just re-downloaded (and immediately re-deleted) the dating app Bumble while at a bar last night in order to make a point about dating apps, and I'd like to share something frustrating I stumbled on during my limited swiping that I believe merits more than just a left-swipe.
This man, Chris (pics 1 & 2), wrote in his tagline (pic 3) "please be <120lbs at least 5'6 with thigh gap." Everyone is entitled to their own sexual preferences, but I find this specific request disconcerting.
This is my body, as of this morning (pic 4). I am 5'4", and if my weight is the same as it was 10 days ago when I heard my doctor say it aloud -- (I choose not to weigh myself as part of my healthy recovery from binge eating, bulimia, and body dysmorphia) -- I weigh 135 lbs.
In order to achieve what this man is asking, I'd have to grow 2 inches --right, that's obviously impossible but bear with me; imagine my weight redistributed on a frame AT LEAST two inches taller than the body I have now -- AND THEN, I'd have to lose AT LEAST fifteen pounds. Not five. FIFTEEN.
My body is healthy. I don't have an "athlete's body" -- I have abs somewhere in there, leftover from when my dad made me take karate for most of my childhood, and from rough maintenance as an adult. I'm not entirely sedentary, I like to move around; I like to eat food, I try not to eat stupid amounts of it. I do not have a thigh gap, but I like my body anyway. Chris probably wouldn't, and that's okay.
Here's what's not okay:
Chris has a picture in his head of what he thinks he wants his ideal woman to look like, and he has tried to communicate that image through numbers on a scale. But has no fucking idea what he's talking about, and what he's asking for is probably not even what he's picturing.
Chris? YA BRAIN BROKE.
This "perfect," say, 5'9, 115 lb woman either LIED to you/the media about her height and weight, or she is likely very hungry.
Chris, and all your lackeys: look at my body for a sec. I know it grosses you out cause I'm like thigh-pudge central to you, I'm like a "normie" or whatever, but do you want someone who's more or less toned than I am...? Because muscle weighs MORE than fat. And some skinny bitches weigh more than they look.
Also, dumb-dumb, did you forget about boobs...? Did you think they're filled with helium...? THEY AIN'T.
There is nothing wrong with being naturally thin. Beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes. It took me a long time (and I'm still working) to find acceptance around that. At my thinnest, I could only ever shrink myself down to 122 lbs; I didn't wear it well. At the peak of my eating disorder, in an insane cycle of binging and purging and self-sabotaging efforts to get below the 120 lb mark, my restrictions backfired and I found myself closing in on 160 lbs, having put on 30 lbs in a period of only 6 weeks, all from just trying to drop a few pounds!! adorable prom wears designed for little girl
This shit is no joke. Stop telling women they need to weigh some stupid arbitrary number. At the very least, please don't LEAD with ignorant and UNHEALTHY standards of beauty that feed existing insecurities. You can prefer thin women. That's ok. But asking a woman to "please weigh ____" is unacceptable.